in response to a post on the "Gaytheists" thread, found through http://ebayatheist.blogspot.com/ ...
I wanted to take a moment to respond to your post, primarily with a few questions of my own.
Based upon what you wrote, I gather that you are heterosexual because you a) grew up seeing that as being the normal, accepted way of being and b) had an organ that "fit" with another organ for the purpose of sexual reproduction.
I would like to ask you when and why you chose to be heterosexual though. Was it simply for the convenience of it?
Now that homosexuality is much more accepted, will you choose to become homosexual?
If not, is that because you still have sexual organs that "fit" with the organs of the opposite sex?
I don't mean to be snide or sarcastic, I ask with the same honesty that you posed your questions.
I am gay, and I am Christian. I was raised my two loving parents (heterosexual), three loving aunts (heterosexual), four cousins (male, heterosexual), and a sister (heterosexual). My father worked, my mother stayed at home and raised me and my sister. We went to church every Sunday, where I participated as an acolyte, reader, usher, and member of the choir. I had close friends who were male, and close friends who were female. All of them heterosexual. I went to the movies and saw heterosexual people in heterosexual relationships. Images on television were the same. I have sexual organs that are perfectly normal, and that fit with the organs of members of the opposite sex.
If my purpose in life were to breed, then I'd be all set.
However... I personally do not believe that I was brought onto this earth to be an animal that breeds. I am a human being, and as such (according to the Constitution of the country of which I am a citizen) I am entitled to Life, Liberty, and The Pursuit of Happiness. Those get capitalized because they are more than simple nouns; they are abstract concepts that stand for ideals and dreams. From a very early age I knew that it was my right to be alive every day. No one has the right to take my life away from me. As an American, and a proud patriotic American at that, I know that Liberty is something that my fore-fathers fought for in numerous battles, and which we continue to defend to this day around the world. Liberty also encompasses personal liberties though; I have the liberty to live where I choose, in the manner that I choose. As long as I am not causing harm to another, I have the liberty to live my life as I please. Finally, The Pursuit of Happiness... well, I don't know of anyone who doesn't pursue that in their daily life.
I just want to live my life, my simple unassuming life, in such a way that I am quietly happy and at peace.
Why would a thirteen-year-old, with that history and that goal, choose to be something that she knows is "unnatural" or "atypical" and that will cause her (remembering that at thirteen, all this girl wants is to fit in and be normal) to stick out and be alone?
With no role models to look to, and no desire to be anything but "normal", I spent seven years struggling with the fact that -even though I was physically built to reproduce sexually with a male- I had absolutely no desire to be with anything but a female. There is something that happens to human beings that transcends conscious "choice". When person A is in the presence of person B, person A either has a sexual attraction or not. If there is an attraction, the body responds independent of the conscious mind's desire. Person A could be married and have no wish to actually do anything with person B (there being the conscious decision part) but his/her body will still show signs of arousal.
I have looked at a man and thought "Here is a beautiful, smart, wonderful man. If I were with him, I would be 'NORMAL'. We could have children and be married and have a life that would be perfectly accepted and celebrated by all." The only problem is, my body does not feel the same way. My molecular/atomic makeup, the electricity firing through my brain and the chemicals that course through my body, all tell me that absolutely nothing happens when I look at that man. That only happens when I see another woman.
I did not choose to be this way, but I have accepted it.
My goals and dreams have not changed. I still have that little girl inside of me that sat in the pew during Christmas Pageant rehearsals and read the wedding ceremony in the Book of Common Prayer and daydreamed of the day when I would be married. My goal has always been to find someone that loved me with an intensity that matched my love; a person with whom I would feel safe; a person who would support me throughout my life; who would treasure me and help me to become a better, stronger, happier person.
Interestingly enough, in my earliest memories of my daydreams and night dreams, there always was present every detail of my wedding except for one.
There was never a groom.
